I've Got a Secret...

April 29, 2015

     I'll admit it - I really don't want to write about this, but I also really feel the Lord nudging me to do so. I've got a secret that I would much rather stay a secret, but that's a big part of the problem, you see. Well, here it is: I am a prideful person. This is an ugly fact that God revealed to me 4, yes, FOUR years ago. I couldn't see it at first (pride). I'd always thought myself to be rather humble (pride). But, God has shown me so much as He has helped me in my struggle to be free from this stronghold in my life.
     The first thing that God showed me was that my definition of pride was limited. I thought pride was having a high opinion of oneself that was reflected in one's words or actions. Yes, that's true indeed, but God showed me that there were many, many more facets of pride that I was guilty of that I had never even considered to be prideful. Things like:

Jealousy, Covetousness, Blaming Others, Fear, Doubt, Self-pity, and even Insecurity!

     This means that whenever I am jealous of another, and whenever I find myself coveting, or strongly desiring what another has, it is out of the prideful thought that I am entitled to have more, or have what might be better. Whenever I blame others for something that has happened, it almost always is because I am too prideful to admit I made a mistake. It was fairly easy for me to recognize that these sins were all the result of pride.

     But, then God began to reveal to me even more facets to my pride that I had been unaware of, and just how much I had allowed pride to become a stronghold in my life. He showed me that my inordinate fear and doubt were the result of pride, in the form of trusting in what I could only see (the world), instead of trusting in He who is invisible (see I Timothy 1:17). He showed me that whenever I was filled with self-pity, it was a result of pride, in the form of thinking only of myself. The biggest surprise that God showed me was that insecurity wasnot humility, as I had wrongly thought. Instead, insecurity was a result of pride, in the form of  thinking that I could handle all that life threw at me on my own and apart from Him. This impossible feat left me feeling insecure, but at the root of that insecurity was my pride in thinking I could do it all on my own.

     So, you see, I most certainly had a very limited view of what pride was. The more that God has revealed to me, the more I see my pride in all its ugliness. God has shown me that there are many, many layers of pride that I must break free from in order to rid myself of this stronghold, and it has been a struggle. But, I am holding on to God's promise to me: 

"And those who walk in pride he is able to humble." Daniel 1:37b, NIV

     I am humbled when I know that I have sinned and must seek His forgiveness. I am humbled when He reveals to me that my sins are so often the result of pride. I am humbled when I confess my sins before Him. I am humbled so that I may no longer walk in pride!

Friends, no matter our sin or stronghold, God is more than able to forgive us and free us:

"That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it." Hebrews 4:14-16, NLT

     A few days ago, I had the privilege of spending the morning with my son. As he kayaked out in the river to fish, I took in the sights and sounds from the dock. I was struck by a beautiful bird that had landed on the dock to snack on remnants left behind by other fishermen. He was aware of my presence, and he did not allow his desire for a tasty snack lure him too close to me. Instead, he walked purposefully and cautiously, sticking to a path that kept him safe:

"Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil." Proverbs 4:25-27, NLT

     I could learn a lesson from that bird! So often I allow myself to be lured away from the safety and security found in my Heavenly Father. Instead of following after His Word and His commands, I take my eyes off of His own straight path, and follow my own very crooked one. My own path leads me to follow after worldly pursuits, instead of living in obedience to God. My own path leads me to be continually sidetracked, instead of walking with a godly purpose and passion. Quite simply, following my own path leads me to follow what is contrary to God, thus, what is evil. 

     God wants us to follow the path that He marks out for us. We do this by living in obedience to Him, as He leads us when we pray to Him, and as He leads us through His Holy Word. When we live our lives in obedience to Him, we are able to "stick to [His] path and stay safe." Sticking to God's path enables us to walk with a godly purpose and passion. May we always strive to stick to His path, stay safe, and not allow ourselves to be sidetracked and led away to follow our own path.

     

     

3:15 a.m.
     That seems to be the usual time I awaken most nights. The reason? I wish I knew. All I know is, it is in this awakening that I am filled with fear and dread, and all of my worries and problems are magnified. Problems that seemed solvable during the day loom large and very much unsolvable when I am surrounded by darkness in the middle of the night. There's just something about that time of night that makes me feel very alone, and very vulnerable. It is Satan's favorite time to attack me, with worries such as: "Are my children ok?" "Is my family ok?" "Why did I have to say that today?" "Why did I have to do that today?" And, the list goes on and on.

     One day I ran across these words from the Bible, and memorizing them and praying them to God during these dark and fearful night 'awakenings' has been the power I need to defeat the enemy and bring light to my darkness, allowing me to feel the peace of God and rest again:

     "You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God, I can scale a wall." Psalm 18:28-29, NIV

     We must always be prepared for Satan's attacks. God tells us so, in I Peter 5:8, "Be careful! Watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour." (NLT) Yes, Satan will try to attack us whenever he can, and however he can, but nothing defeats Satan's attacks like the Word of God! It is so important that we read God's Word, and hide it in our hearts (see Psalm 119:11), so we will be prepared whenever he tries to attack us:

     "In every battle you will need faith as your shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed at you by Satan. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6:16-17, NLT

Thank You, Dear LORD, that so much greater are You who lives within me than he who is in the world! (I John 4:4)

     The thunderstorms we have been having the past few days where I live have matched the emotional storms I have felt surrounding me so often lately. Storms of sickness in family and loved ones; storms of bad news; storms of disappointment; storms of loss; storms of insecurity over the future...all of these "storms" have been surrounding me, threateningly, for far too long now. Storms come to us no matter how faithfully we try to live - Jesus tells us in John 16:33, "In this world you will have trouble." (NIV)

     Today had been a day of more heavy rain, but I took advantage of a break in the storm to venture out on  a walk. As I walked, the emotional storms swirled and swirled about me, and to make matters worse, it started to rain.  I popped open my umbrella and forged ahead. After only a few minutes, the rain stopped, and the clouds parted to reveal this sight:

     The sun came out for the first time all day - it burst through the storm! What a perfect analogy to God's power - not only in the physical storms of our lives, but also in the emotional ones. Psalm 107:29 says, "He stilled the storm to a whisper." That beautiful sight brought me such peace, and I felt His presence all around me, stilling all my storms to a whisper. 

     Yes, in this world we will have troubles, as John 16:33 confirms. But listen to how Jesus follows up that statement in the rest of the verse, "But take heart! I have overcome the world." (NIV) The NCV words it this way, "..but be brave! I have defeated the world." When the storms of life lay heavy all around us, let us take heart/be brave and draw near to Jesus, our Peace, asking Him to still our storms to a whisper.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

     I was given a beautiful pot of lilies for Easter, and their fragrance has filled my home with such a lovely, sweet aroma. As I looked to the Word of God, I found a beautiful passage about the purpose of a good fragrance:

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ's victory parade. God uses us to spread his knowledge everywhere like a sweet-smelling perfume. Our offering to God is this: We are the sweet smell of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are being lost."
                                                                              2 Corinthians 2:14-15, NCV

     This got me thinking - am I giving off the sweet smell of Christ in my life? Do I allow Jesus to so permeate my life that every thought I think, every word I speak, and every action I take radiates His glorious presence to others? Ouch. So often, I'm afraid the answer is no. Oh how I long for the answer to be yes! How can I achieve this goal? The beginning of these verses tell me: by allowing God to take the lead in my life.  When I submit my thoughts, words, and actions to Him, the sweet smell of His goodness, compassion, and righteousness flows through me, enabling me to "spread his knowledge everywhere like a sweet-smelling perfume."

Let us strive to follow His lead everyday, so that our lives may reflect the sweet smell of Christ!

   

     Today was one of those days where I was in a funk from the moment I opened my eyes. I hadn't slept well, and all of the things that had been bothering me were looming over my head like a thick, dark cloud. I'd had a few interruptions to my morning routine, and I was just feeling sorry for myself. I started thinking about how I wanted to write a new blog, but the words just wouldn't come. The only words that kept coming into my head were, "Jesus loves me." I couldn't have felt more unlovable at that moment, which added to my sour mood. I left the blog for the time being, and as I went about my day, the words, "Jesus loves me" kept coming into my thoughts. I reflected on a Scripture I'd read earlier in the morning, and suddenly saw what God had been trying to get into my head the whole day. Here's what I read:

     Jesus said in John 15:9-12, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." (NIV)

     I completely missed the connection when I had read it earlier because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. I want to share it with you: Jesus loves us, and though there are many times when we may feel unlovable, His Word reassures us that indeed, He does love us. He tells us, in the verses above, that we are to remain in His love. How do we do that? He answers that..."obey my commands." Why did Jesus tell us this? "So that my joy me be in you.." And what is Jesus' command? "Love each other as I have loved you."

      I couldn't see past myself to feel Jesus' love until I took the focus off of me and spent time loving others. That's when the joy that Jesus longed to give me all day came. When we turn our eyes inward, and only see ourselves, we close ourselves off from feeling Jesus' love. It is when we reach out to love others that we feel His enormous love for us, and can experience his unending joy.

     Jesus loves me. Amen!

     

"Show me the path where I should walk, O LORD; point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you." 

Psalm 25:4-5, NLT

     Can we agree that we live in confusing and troubling times? A quick glance at the headlines or 30 seconds spent listening to the news confirms it. Many times I feel overwhelmed by all the turmoil, and, yes, even terrified by it. But, God's Word always speaks peace to my troubled heart. You see, we're not meant to know all the answers. Instead, we're meant to turn to the One who does - our Heavenly Father. 
      We were never meant to walk this path we call life apart from Him, for doing so makes us more likely to be consumed by the world in which we live. Our peace lies in the verses above: calling out to God to show us His path, and then leading us and teaching us as we put our hope in Him.